


Don't Let It Get to You

by fluffyEin



Series: Ein's Haikyuu!! Angst [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuto Koutarou is a Mess, Bokuto is depressed, Dog - Freeform, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Original Character(s), Post-Time Skip, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:00:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28741401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffyEin/pseuds/fluffyEin
Summary: Bokuto is dealing with a lot."Don't let it get to you, Bokuto-san." Akaashi would tell him."Don't let it get to you." Bokuto repeated in his head.But what if it got to him?What happens then?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: Ein's Haikyuu!! Angst [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106837
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Don't Let It Get to You

Bokuto and Akaashi were married.

They were happy.

They lived in a small 3-bedroom apartment.

They had one child and a dog.

The dog’s name was Hiro.

The child’s name was Fuyu.

Fuyu is nonbinary. They have black hair with dyed white tips, they’ve also gotten a perm, so they could have curly hair, similar to that of Akaashi’s.

They were a happy little family.

Bokuto was a professional volleyball player. He played for the MSBY Black Jackals.

Akaashi was an editor for a major publisher on a Shonen Jump Magazine.

.

.

.

Friday, August 23

“Akaashi! Are you and Fuyu coming to the game this afternoon?” Bokuto asked as he sat on the couch, next to his husband.

“Of course, Bokuto-San. Once Fuyu finishes their homework.” Akaashi eyed their 12-year-old, adopted child.

“I’m working on it, Papa!” Fuyu pursed their lips as they looked at Akaashi.

“You better be.” Akaashi leaned back on the couch cushion and watched the television.

Bokuto lye his head on Akaashi’s shoulders, “Do you think we’ll lose this game?” he asked, looking at the ceiling.

“As long as you don’t go into your ‘Emo-Mode’, you should have a pretty great chance at it.” Akaashi said, staying focused on the nature documentary that was being played on the T.V.

“But that’s hard!” Bokuto whined.

Akaashi rolled his eyes, “You’ll do fine, Bokuto.”

“You don’t know that!” Bokuto pouted.

“Well, if you lose, _don’t let it get to you._ ” Akaashi looked at Bokuto this time.

Bokuto smiled as he made he made eye contact, “I won’t, Akaashi.”

.

.

.

The MSBY Black Jackals suffered a crushing defeat. Only scoring 15 points in the first set, and 17 in the second.

On the drive home Bokuto was quiet.

Akaashi knew the game had broken his spirits, so he pulled up to In-N-Out’s drive-thru. He ordered animal style fries, two double-doubles and a regular cheeseburger.

When they got home they sat at the table and ate their food.

Food always seemed to cheer Bokuto up, but Akaashi wondered why it didn’t work this time.

Bokuto finished his food and sighed, “I’m going to bed.”

“It’s only 7pm, Bokuto.” Akaashi gave Bokuto a worried expression.

“I’m tired, and I have early morning practice tomorrow.” He trailed off and drug his foot to his and Akaashi’s bedroom.

“Dad seems down…They played really well; the other team was just really tough to beat! Why is he so sad about it, Papa?” Fuyu asked, while feeding Hiro pieces of their food.

“I don’t know, Fuyu. I’ll talk to him about it. For now, you just…go watch T.V. or play with your soccer ball or something.” Akaashi sighed.

“Okay Papa. Come Hiro, let’s go play in the yard!” Fuyu said as they got up and ran out into the backyard, the fluffy dog happily following them and wagging his tail.

Akaashi waited a little while—five minutes or so—then made his way into the bedroom.

He walked in to see Bokuto laying in the bed, curled up in a few blankets and staring at his laptop.

Akaashi took a deep breath and sat next to Bokuto.

“You okay, Bokuto-San?” Akaashi asked, putting his hand on Bokuto’s arm—a comforting gesture.

“I’m okay, Akaashi.” Bokuto spoke quietly, “Just a rough game.”

“You played really, really well though.” Akaashi lowered his volume, to match that of Bokuto’s.

“Yeah, but…They…Demolished us.” Bokuto sighed heavily, “And they shut down most of my spikes.”

“Bokuto-San, just because you lost doesn’t mean you were demolished. Honestly, in terms of team chemistry and spirit, you guys won by far.” Akaashi rubbed Bokuto’s arm with his thumb, “ _Don’t let it get to you,_ okay?”

“Okay.” Bokuto sat up and put his laptop to the side, “I won’t, Akaashi.”

Akaashi moved close to Bokuto, putting his face in the crook of his neck and sitting in the bigger male’s lap. Bokuto smiled softy and held Akaashi close, turning on a movie while doing so.

.

.

.

The next month or so was rough on Bokuto. His mother had passed away to pancreatic cancer and his father had succumbed to the awful addiction of taking unprescribed drugs. He and his team was also losing game after game after game after game.

Bokuto fell into a state of depression. His only sources of happiness resided in Akaashi, Fuyu and Hiro.

But even somedays, that wasn’t enough.

Bokuto would lie in his bed for hours, thinking about things he messed up. Whether it be a mistake from the past, or a recent, yet very small one.

Akaashi always told Bokuto, _don’t let it get to you._

To Bokuto, this was much easier said than done.

Days flew by and Bokuto would get into fits of rage for, seemingly, no reason. Akaashi would try to calm him down but would end up making Bokuto even angrier.

Bokuto didn’t _want_ to be angry, it just happened. He didn’t _want_ to be sad either, it just happened. He didn’t _want_ to blame himself for everything as well, and yet, it just happened.

_Don’t let it get to you, Bokuto-San._

He repeated these words in his head, every day, every hour, every minute.

Every second.

But it got to him.

It got to him bad.

Day by day, game by game, struggle by struggle, Bokuto would let everything get to him.

He was climbing down a dark hole, and he didn’t know how to climb back out.

Akaashi was reaching out a helping hand, but Bokuto wouldn’t take it.

He didn’t know how.

One gloomy day, the MSBY Black Jackals suffered another crushing defeat, it was their last game of the season and left everyone feeling awful afterwards.

Bokuto, especially.

.

.

.

Akaashi made his way out of the gym, Fuyu following behind.

They waited for Bokuto. They waited for about…30-ish minutes until he finally came out.

During the wait it had started to rain and Bokuto was without an umbrella. Akaashi held his own over the sulking male.

Bokuto pushed the umbrella away and got in the car.

Akaashi held his breath on the drive home, not wanting to cause an argument.

They were about halfway home and Bokuto cleared his throat.

“I’m retiring.”

“What? Why? Bokuto, why would you retire, you’re only 28!” Akaashi glanced at Bokuto then back at the road.

“I don’t feel like playing anymore.” Bokuto spoke quietly.

“Bokuto…This isn’t about how your games have been going, or your parents, is it?”

Bokuto didn’t respond.

“Bokuto-San, I told you. You can’t let things get to yo-“

“Maybe you can’t, Akaashi. But everything has gotten to me. No matter how hard I try not to let it, it always finds a way to get inside my head. _I never meant to let it get to me,_ Akaashi. I never meant to become depressed. I never meant to blow up at you or Fuyu. I never meant to become such a mess. I never meant for _any_ of this, Akaashi!” Bokuto’s voice began to break, as he was on edge and the verge of tears.

“Bokuto…I…” Akaashi was at a loss for words as he pulled into the parking spot at the apartment, Fuyu stayed silent.

“Akaashi I think it would be better if we separated.” Bokuto said under his breath.

“Bokuto, what?”

“I said we should separate, Akaashi. I want to be alone.”

“Bokuto…what are...you…Bokuto…why are you…Buh—Bokuto what’s gotten into you?” Akaashi exclaimed.

Fuyu got out of the car and went inside their apartment, knowing it was better for them to avoid hearing another argument.

“I just want to be alone, Akaashi! Do you not get it? I’m not okay, and I want to be on my own.” Bokuto wiped his eyes of the salty tears and wiped his nose.

“Buh-Bokuto…”

“Please, Akaashi.”

“Okay.” Akaashi stepped out of the car and went inside the apartment, and within two minutes he had come back out, all of Bokuto’s clothes in two suitcases.

He put the suitcases in the back seat and gave Bokuto the car keys.

“I love you Bokuto… Please stay safe, drive safe and don’t do anything that will end in disaster. You’re always welcome back here, no matter what.” Akaashi trailed off, “Please promise me you’ll stay safe.”

Bokuto nodded as he moved to the drivers seat, “I love you too, Akaashi.”

Fuyu ran out of the apartment, running to the car and to the open door. They hugged Bokuto tightly, “Please don’t go dad.”

“I’m sorry Fuyu, Akaashi. I love you both. Give Hiro lots of snuggles for me. I’ll be watching over you both.”

“Watching ove-… Bokuto, no.”

Bokuto shut the car door and started to drive off.

“Bokuto! Bokuto, no! Don’t, please! Don’t do this to me, don’t do this to Fuyu. Bokuto, please!” Akaashi shouted at Bokuto, he could still hear him.

Bokuto stopped the car and held a piece of fabric out of the window.

Akaashi ran to the car and grabbed Bokuto’s arm, tears streaming down the cheeks of the, still flabbergasted male.

“Take my jersey, Akaashi.”

“Bokuto, please…”

“I’m sorry, Akaashi.” Bokuto rolled up the window as Akaashi took the jersey and held it close.

“Bokuto-San…I love you so much…I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you.” Akaashi cried, crouching down.

Fuyu hugged Akaashi tightly, also crying.

.

.

.

Later that night Akaashi received the worst phone call of his life.

Bokuto had killed himself.

Akaashi blamed himself, Akaashi blamed God, he blamed himself mostly.

.

.

.

Years passed, Akaashi stayed single and widowed. Fuyu grew up healthily and happily despite their adoptive father’s suicide.

Akaashi would always blame himself, but he hoped when he died of old age, he’d be with Bokuto again and they’d be together once more and watch over their child.

Akaashi kept Bokuto’s jersey on his wall so that he would always be reminded of him.

.

.

_._

_Don’t let it get to you._

_._

_._

_._

_Thank you for reading._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry


End file.
